Screw therapy I'm taking hostages!
There are times when I think back to my childhood days and teenage years and see the person I dreamed I would one day be. Am I that person now? Not completely. Am I still happy? Completely.
In my life I have made some horrible decisions. I took paths that I probably should have avoided. But each stumble I have made has led me to where I am today. I have no regrets except for one.
I mapped out my entire adult life. I know now I should not have done that. In retrospect I know that this is not viable. Hell it is pretty much impossible to live up to your own expectations but even more so to live up to the dreams of a naive child.
I always envisioned myself riding along a Midwest road in my jeep, top down, wind blowing through my long blond hair with the summer sun reflecting off my golden brown skin. In the seat beside me is my trusty dog. Carefree and happy I would live my life. No worries, no divorces, no financial troubles and certainly no stress.
Of course I am a southern girl so I have no idea where the whole “Midwest” thing came from but alas here I am anyway right where I wanted to be. Yes, I have a jeep, no the top is not down. What and mess my hair up? I am not blond…this week. And although my skin is a nice bronze all I do when the sun hits it is sweat. I have no dog. And that is a little sad for me. But sometimes you have to forfeit one dream for another.
I had other visions of grandeur when I was a child. I would not be rich but very comfortable. I would have a loving husband and possibly 1-3 kids. This is before I realized kids are just not my thing and hairdressers are rarely “comfortable”. And even though I do not having a loving husband I do have the love of my life.
Dave and I have been together nearly five years. In fact our anniversary is right around the corner. I will not lie and say every day has been easy. But most of them have been. I can count on one hand how many real “fights” we have had. And I don’t mean moments when we are grouchy, in truth I usually always am. But I mean actual fights that hurt and take a chunk of your heart. I would like to say that they were all his fault and that he is an ass but honestly he is far from it. He is my dream. Soul mate is a term people use to glorify love and try to make others feel jealous but I really don’t care what others think so when I say it I really mean it. No one else could ever make me feel the way he does. No one else could ever see me as I really am and look past all my faults. He sees things in me that I was positive only I knew about. Just the other day I told him that just when I think I could not possibly love him more I find that I in fact do. He isn’t just my lover he is my best friend.
So did I take the path I had mapped out for myself years ago? No. But you know what? I was never good and reading maps anyway. I am using the GPS in my heart and so far I have never gotten lost.
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